Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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