There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
and you fell through a lawn chair
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
