If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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