we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
