So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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