She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
