I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Randomize
