sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
