Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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