I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
