He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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