you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
