is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
