Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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