we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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