Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
