i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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