if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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