i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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