yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
