He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
