It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
if only i could text you this smell
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
