I heard we made out
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
