his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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