her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
