I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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