just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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