I should be sponsored by Trojan
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
