I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Damn victory sex feels great
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
