you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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