she looked like the before picture.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We had to coat check the pizza.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
