Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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