What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
