WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
