She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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