beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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