Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
