I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
