We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
