i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
