i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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