you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
