Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
