did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
