Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
