well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
And then he peed in my hair
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