Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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