u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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