its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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