Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
