I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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