Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
