I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
3pm strippers are depressing
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
