You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
